i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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