Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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