we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
