I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
you had me at cake vodka
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
