You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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