he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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