Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
