I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
