Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
