then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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