Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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