Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
