I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
