This girl is more easily done than said...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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