You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
