bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
