I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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