Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
