i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
