i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
