I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
