Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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