If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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