yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
