i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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