i permit you to call me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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