Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
