So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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