She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You made out with two different species that night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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