people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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