You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize