Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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