He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
