I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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