I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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