You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
