I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
