OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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