Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
