Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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