is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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