i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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