Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
