dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
