Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
