good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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