I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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