Swine flu. Run for my life!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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