His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
