My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
