i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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