my sisters under your porch take her home
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
