did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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