Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
