Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
