So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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