Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize