Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
