No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
