You're my little dorito
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
