just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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