Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
