I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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