where does the pee come out of this thing
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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