You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
