I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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