Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
