How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize