Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Sponge bath it is.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
