were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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