dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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