Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
