do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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