Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
50% drunk capacity currently
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
