the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
