So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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