I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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