I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
