Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
