so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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